1. |
My Kickass Life (2007)
04:18
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When I was a young punk,
I said to my dad
"I want a life of adventure,
not one of indenture like most people have."
My dad shook his head,
he read me chapter and verse,
and said "May you have an interesting life...
that's a Chinese curse."
I moved to California,
and blew off dad's advice.
I was naive and broke
and the butt of a joke more than once or twice,
but there were beautiful
people and rough edges to smooth,
and for every slap upside the head,
it helped me find my groove
and I improved
I had food on the table,
easy demons to fight.
I wanna thank You for my kickass life.
Like a bull to china,
and by my own petard,
I looked stupid in front of my heroes
and zeroed out my credit card.
Oblivious and cocky,
but I told the truth when it was hard,
and I saw the sun set over the Rockies,
and walked down Sunset Boulevard.
And if it ended tomorrow I couldn't complain,
I had my share of sex and glory,
had an open heart and a pretty good brain,
and there'd be some things that I never got to do,
yeah, but only a few, maybe one or two.
So yeah I'm grateful,
but if I'm gonna pray,
I pray for the others,
my sisters and brothers
awaiting less fateful days and may you have a kickass life.
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2. |
Other Than Me
03:35
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I'm glad I never dated Aimee Mann
and landed in the crease of a lyric sheet,
'cause water builds up 'til you no longer give a damn,
telegram, thank you ma'am, control-alt-delete.
Are you gonna load the gun
to blow me to kingdom come?
One of these days
I'm gonna fall in love with someone other than me,
one man in disgrace is another man's point A to point B,
take it easy.
Don't know where I fell into this trap
when it seemed a fine idea at the first,
that said, I'm prepared to take the rap
now that things have gone from crap to worse.
"What did I tell you, son? Never 'Liz Phair' and run.î"
One of these days
you're gonna fall in love with someone other than me. The world's a big place;
you'll find another face to fill your Wuthering needs,
so take it easy.
Meet me behind the barn
I won't have to twist your arm
One kiss won't do any harm!
A bottle o' wine,
curl up and watch "Buffy,"
cursin' and cryin', her eyes are all puffy.
Roses are red, she wishes me dead,
because I am the vampire that's sucking in her head.
So take it easy
One of these days
I'm gonna fall in love with something bigger than me.
I'll be engaged, with a 12-gauge and a mother to be.
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3. |
How Can You Stand It
04:56
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Ever since I opened the taps and let what I felt fly free
I don't know what's become of me
Buried in feelings
I love all these people I can see through
And I wish they could see through me
Though there's no guarantee
They'd find it appealing
Last night I woke up
walked around in the dark
weighed down by a sadness
I could barely believe
This is the first time
I've ever looked back
To see the beautiful things
I can never retrieve
Does everyone feel this lonely?
Does everyone get this bored?
And if so, and if so
How can you stand it?
Ever since I pulled off the blinders
And gave my heart full reign
Okay, so this is pain
This is something you deal with
And it presses on me
This feeling of ennui
And the persistent face of dread
I think I'm drowning in my own head
And that organ I feel with
It's said that one day
We'll all die alone
But in the meantime
We'll do fine
We'll take care of our own
But I've just realized we're each grains of sand
That comprises a desert
of misunderstanding
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4. |
The Big Bear
03:00
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Out of breath stumble up the mountain,
nothing left tumble down and
I wanna fall through the snow,
white blanket darker than my skin,
disoriented euthanasian,
the only race she knows.
Maybe I'll see the big bear,
take me in his arms
and crush the weight out of me.
Angels and vultures flying,
men in trenches killing, dying,
the water fills up the lungs,
up the ladder to an island,
Polynesian ladies smile and sing at the top of the rungs:
"Maybe you'll see the
big bear, take you in his arms
and crush the guilt out of you."
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5. |
Ginna Ling
04:41
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I met her on the 13th day of Spring
A beautiful woman named Ginna Ling
I came to sing and she stood there
Laughing and clapping
I lost it for her in a half-heartbeat
Talked and told her I hoped we'd meet again
And then I kissed her on the cheek
And she seemed happy
Now my heart will burst
If my brain won't first
Because I met someone
Nothing I can do
So I'm telling you
I have to tell someone
Mysteries inscribed on a perfect face
Diode letters that gracefully self-effaced
"Hi how are you, this is Ginna.
I bet you don't remember me."
I answered the letters on the same day
Asked her if she'd make it to L.A.
And I might be back out her way again in
August or September
Now my heart will burst
If my brain won't first
Because I met someone
Nothing I can do
So I'm telling you
I have to tell someone
Thoughts of future tenses and picket fences
Naive and senseless filled the back of my mind
Dumb enough to believe there was nothing but time
Meanwhile, Ginna's real world was far more bleak
And these were the things of which she would not speak
And three weeks before I came back to town
This is exactly what went down:
The things Ginna cared about, was scared about
Closed in on her from within and without
And for reasons I don't fully understand
Ginna Ling died by her own hand
This is a song for someone I barely knew
Someone I guess it's strange for me to miss or mourn
Like the sister who died before I was born
Her name was Gina too.
But sometimes I have this crazy cream
I break down the door, yank out the keys
Drag her out of the car and scream
"Ginna, someone loves you!"
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6. |
Ludlow 6:18 (2007 remix)
03:52
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Ludlow 6:18
One last look out the rear window
At the daylight kissing night
Red and blue and white
But I only left behind the things that seemed already gone
Double six my miles per hour
And the highway I drive on
Maybe just to heat and dust or to a brighter dawn
Switch headlights on, dashboard digits flashing green
Reveal I passed through Ludlow at 6:18
Passing my own ghost
I came unto the ocean
Not eleven years ago
Drunk on what I didn't know,
You know that I loved that first surfer girl
Who kissed me on the sand
I loved the glorious futility of playing in a band
But did you know those hillside letters used to spell "Hollywoodland?"
I guess the city drops what it don't need
Especially if at last you don't succeed
Ludlow 6:18
A light off in the distance
We find our home in the strangest places
Experiences, faces
Ebb and flow
Are those the only things to which I can belong?
I can capture them in moments
But I can't stay there too long
All that lies behind me now or ahead, or I could be wrong
Maybe in the end that's all my life will mean
The mise en scene of Ludlow 6:18
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7. |
At The Bookstore (2007)
04:00
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And I did everything within my power
To steal an hour from the day
I called you but you were in the shower
Or otherwise at play
So I'll stay at the bookstore
I lean back on the magazine rack
Check out the group du jour
And you won't see space for my name or my face
That much is for sure
But I'm on tour at the bookstore
I've got an afternoon free
And I'm gonna spend it reading
'Cause only fictious friends await me
That's the news that I'm conceding
'Cause I don't know where you are
And I know less where to look
But I will never travel far
From the solace of a book
So you're off the hook at the bookstore
I will not cry, I will not cry
Will not break down, I will not break down
I will be happy, I will be happy
I will not lose faith, I will not lose faith
I will not quit, I will not quit
I don't miss you
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8. |
Then I'll Be Happy
03:42
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This angry forehead falls away
Then I'll be happy
And every dogged man will have his day
Then I'll be happy
Woke with a shudder from the worst of dreams
But what the nightmare took away
The breath of dawn redeems
And if I can breathe again
Then I'll be happy
He didn't blow his mind out in a car
Then I'll be happy
And everything is fine right where you are
Then I'll be happy
I hope that someday you'll awaken too
Healed of every burden
That has bedeviled you
And to your own self be true
Then I'll be happy
I've hurt more people than I've let hurt me
There are people I've hurt by speaking honestly
They say the truth may inflict pain
They say the truth will set you free
And if they come to understand one tenth of me
Then I'll be happy
Peace on everyone who hears my voice
And if you reject me now
I respect your choice
But if tomorrow finds you with one reason to rejoice
Then I'll be.... happy.
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9. |
Married Yet (2007)
04:00
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Wow it sure is weird to see you here
For a while you seemed to disappear
From my standpoint it was just as well
'Cause I filled my quota of emotional hell
And what ever happened to what's his name
That 30-something guy who epitomized lame
Did you follow through with your master plan
To take him as your lawfully wed old man
Are you married yet?
Are you married yet?
Did you go through with the big I do
Is there still some hope for you-know-who?
Are you married yet?
Are you married yet?
I'll give you one more chance to act your age
Or are you otherwise engaged
Even now at this late date
When I think of your decision to conjugate
Your memory still has the power
To hit me full force in the shower
The water seeps into my brain
Like tears of torrential acid rain
That eats away at my common sense
And I imagine us together decades hence
Are you married yet?
Are you married yet?
Can mushy feelings run so deep
I'm undergoing submission creep
Are you married yet?
Are you married yet?
I better go and change the topic quick
'Cause I've become the kind of guy
Wouldn't it be swell?
Hit me over the head with a book and bell
Can you spell H-E-L-L
Which option's worse
Living without you or with you 'til I'm riding in a hearse
Or 'til you do, whichever comes first
Make your mind up before it's too late
'Cause lost is he who hesitates
So open the window
Lower the ladder
Throw down your suitcase
Next stop Nevada!
Woke at 5 in the morning spelled with a "U"
I guess it's so that sometimes the worst nightmares do come true
Little memory of the last night lingers
But there's a golden reminder
Wrapped 'round my left fourth finger
It's the stupidest notions that we love the best
Now it's painfully clear that alea jacta est
So before we face the reveille
Will you this one question answer me?
Are we married yet?
Are we married yet?
Did we go through with the big I do
Is there still some hope for you know who?
Are we married yet?
Please say the answer's "nyet"
I better take a club and go bludgeon cupid
I can't believe I could be so stupid!
Are we married yet?
Are you married yet?
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10. |
The Foghorn
04:12
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I hear they saved the foghorn down by the bay
It fits the mood of these salty towns
It fits my mood this day
I kicked a pebble across the pavement
I heard it clatter in the mist
And I felt the blood rush to my cheek
As I clenched and unclenched my fists
Why, why I keep asking why
If we're just born to die
Then why did we even bother
Why cry, when in a hundred years
All of this disappears
Like the memories of our fathers
I hear he walked this same road
When it was wet with morning dew
I never walked here with him
Now I'm standing in his shoes
I wonder is he disappointed in me
Is he looking out my eyes
Because I never really grew up
I got older but I never got wise
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11. |
Karma Frog
04:08
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Early morning rain
The street stinks of oil
I'm one with my city:
Dawn finds us both despoiled
Block out where I've been
Drive away in my waiting friend
One stubborn question though:
Why did I do that again?
I couldn't think of a good reason
Not even before the fact
No spontaneous combustion
Just a slouch around the sack
And now I mull the implications
Of the things I can't take back
This is what you had
This is what you did
This is what you'll get
She used to love me once
She used to love me still
Forever disappointed in the whole I can't full-fill
She sees in me everything that I could be
And that's a bigger betrayal than the infidelity
And then it all becomes too real
This grand ideal that I have failed
Watching every grand resolution
Go swirling 'round the pail
And now I draw a little closer to the final gnash and wail
This is what you had
This is what you did
This is what you'll get
"Got away with it" --
Smug little words
The underlying concept now strikes me as absurd
From every hidden seed
Ugly flowers grow
Dig deep to uproot them for you will reap just what you mow
And maybe on the day you die you'll find a million blades of grass
And every careless thought or deed will kick you in the ass
While I choir of your ex-lovers sweetly sings to you en masse:
"This is what you had
This is what you did
This is what you'll get."
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12. |
The Fates Cry Foul
03:20
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Every day there are decisions made
That I'm not a party to
Guess I lack the vision or ambition
To follow these things through
And if the essence of a second
Is that time is better spent
Then I might as well repent
And get it over with
So if someone said die
I don't think I'd be on cue
And henceforth chaos would ensue
But if someone said give up
I could do it right
But just for spite
I'd keep the towel
And let the fates cry foul
I'd keep the towel
And let the fates cry foul
Undefined or meaningless
Mix well and divide by nil
I hope I'm not over the hill
For I will get vertigo
The first to go into overtime
I commit the perfect rhyme
No one ever listened when
I said it in 4/4 time
Said it in 4/4 time
The fates cry foul when you cut right angles from a beaten path
And it makes me laugh
'Cos they all say the shortest way is a crooked line
Though this is what they opine
I see 'em taking the freeway every time
Every day there are decisions made
That I'm not a party to
Guess I lack the vision or ambition
And can't follow these things
Screw it -- I'm doomed
Caught in the perfect crime
No one ever listened when
I said it in 4/4 time
Said it in 4/4 time
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13. |
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Cut cut and run
She had a figleaf clenched in her front teeth and I woke up stunned
I gotta find an excuse - one that's convincing and hasn't seen too much use
Round and round the platitudes we go
Trying not to bruise her ego
Trying to creatively restate a mood that equates with Cut and Run
Cut cut it away
The constant replay of the things that make me wanna pay with my own blood
I don't want you to hate me or be cast as the exiting stud
Still a casual chat after supper would be preferable
to these hundred mea culpas but
what is there left to explain when it's simply a plain case of cut and run
Cut cut and run
Cease and desist
when it goes from a fist to a gun
Still there's one more I could name
If we talk about truth then let's talk about sharing the blame
I see the annals of love and hope and sex
As a diagram in the shape of an "X"
We come together in the middle and have some fun
I see you you see me we see each other & it's cut and run
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14. |
Disappear (2007)
03:46
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The worst case is the suitcase
And from this point on it will be my raison d'etre
No homilies
Or apologies
Goodbye, I'm sorry, forgive me, etc. etc.
Who knows why
When you cry until your stomach's aching
Swallowed by
The crushing weight of convictions shaken
There are some hurts just to big to take in
Walk to the street in dawning grey
And put the car in gear
Bitter pictures fade away
And I just disappear
The great escape is the interstate
And the pink horizons rising on four lanes
And underneath a broken man's belief
That flight makes right, like the headlights
On passing trains in darkest night
Moving forward without destination
Pass from sight
Away from black impenetration
Arriving at the brightest stations
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15. |
Big Big Yeah
02:40
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Welcome to the reception
I think we all know why we came
No getting around it
I think the band is really lame
Trying to grab some free hors d'ouevres
This guy's getting on my nerves, he says
They're the next thing, you can bet it
Though about slipping out
Why is everyone flipping out?
I don't get it
'Cos they're a big big yeah
They're a big big yeah
They're a big big yeah
They're a big big yeah
Wanna give 'em a second chance
But I can't believe my ears
Such a strange dichotomy
'Twixt what I've heard and what I hear
I read it in a magazine
They're supposed to be a cross between
Bob Dylan and Mahandas Gandhi
Wanna grab that writer bloke
Ask him was this an inside joke
That was on me
Read about a ruler
Who ran naked in the yard
Who was his PR man?
Who is his A & R man?
Who will tell us he is cool and avant garde?
Their own record company
Talked all the way through their set
They won't remember the music
But they'll remember who they met
They're on tour now, so go see 'em
$15 a day per diem
And no one knows or cares that they got signed
They'll go home broke and pooped
All their royalties unrecouped
And their label's got a brand new find
Welcome to the reception
I think we all know why we're here
The lead singer's so beautiful...
Do you think he's queer?
'Cos he's a big big yeah...
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16. |
I Can't Do This Anymore
04:35
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I can't do this anymore
...confess my soul to a room of strangers
oping to find a warm safe place to lay there,
but I can't do this anymore.
For a moment, for an hour I'd linger
spinning yarns so nimble and light fingered
but there's no rest for the lonely torch swinger
and I can't do this anymore.
I never thought I'd be this bitter,
I never thought I'd become a quitter,
but you found garbage in the pick of my litter
and I can't do this anymore.
Well I broke my back on this rock one more time,
strangely compelled to cast a pearl before a swine
and you might well ask whose fault is that? Mine.
And I can't do this anymore.
Here's a little number that I like to call pain:
it's got a chorus, a chorus, a chorus and a refrain,
and it goes round and round until you're half insane
and I can't do this anymore.
Friends with sad and tender words to share
and I was too self-absorbed to care,
because I'd never known defeat, never tasted despair,
that's why I never found a home.
So excuse me,
I got too immersed in this part,
this isn't commerce and you've made it clear it's not art,
it's just some jackass pouring out his heart --
what the hell is up with that?
I've got nothing to say to you,
it was my decision to play to you,
so c'est la vie and c'Ètait adieu,
I can't do this anymore.
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17. |
Neverest
01:54
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I was chasing dreams so hard that I almost forgot to sleep
I took a pander to delusions of candor to the people who crashed before they leaped
And she said, "baby I believe, but don't forget to breathe.
I will be your prop" she said, "as long as you don't drop dead."
"Don't drop dead" is what she said
Tunnels light as she whispers closer
"Arise, burden's beast has died, beauty lies
In the eyes of the reposer" and she said
"Stop where you are.
Treasures won't run far.
I will be your prop," she said, "as long as you don't drop dead."
"I don't hang out with losers baby
But if you give it a rest just maybe
Your fondest desires are waiting
To light the day when you awaken.
"Now you're free at last, so go kick some ass...
I will be your prop," she said, "as long as you don't drop dead."
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18. |
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I was in a rock band
We got a record deal
I said "somebody pinch me,
'cos this can't be real."
And on the day of release
I drove to the record store
I bought one for my mother
Then I bought ten more
And now it's three years older
And I'm extremely poor
But now our label say it's the big one,
the one we've waited for
and now we gotta tour
And on the day of departure
We performed in a record store
And asked "where's our money?"
They said "We're not sure."
And when we asked them why
They said you gotta call this other guy
And that's the first time we were told
That the label had just been sold
Now they're burning me out of the record store
We won't return your phone calls
We won't support your tours
From San Diego to Boston
We slept on floors
And I'm not sure I wanna do this anymore
Now all we wanted to know
Is do we go or stay?
They say, "we're not able to speak for the label.
Call back in three days."
And then we met an attorney
Her name was Nancy J.
She said it's time to split, and so she filed a writ
And she made them pay
And so they gave us back our rights
But here's the part that really bites
They said before we do,
We're gonna have to clear the racks of you
And now they're burning me out of the record store
Because nobody loves you, not any more
This is supposed to be music, but it feels like war
And I'm not sure I wanna do this anymore
(guitar solo)
Lying in the lamplight's green iridescent glow
Tried to remember the last time I ever felt this low
I was a sad teenager with a Fender bass
And that's what made me happy, that's my place
Now we've got a new album
We think it's pretty good
Maybe this time it'll go better
Knock on wood
I may never be famous, but what does it matter
If it just makes you lame-ass, meaner and fatter
And kills the only thing you care about
So if you like this song, I'm flattered but
Please remember what you love
The rest you can do without
Heed the lesson that I've learned
Or you just might get burned out
But now they're putting me back in the record store
We're gonna do promotion, I think we're gonna tour
As for the future, well, that remains obscure
But here's the record of my story
And maybe I'll see you 'round in the record store
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19. |
Halo Boy
03:39
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Since I saw you last
Before your rapid rise
You've become quite the iconoclast
Cuttin' yourself up to size
Now we see you at the club
Scrunched up into the wall
And no one is really sure
If you're there at all
Barbarians at the gate
And God forbid it makes you late for
The ego drive
On which you thrive
Are you, are you alive?
I can't isolate
A single character trait
But if there's one thing I really hate
It's you
when you remind me of me
when you alienate
I feel alienated too
And it reminds me of you
Did you get afraid
Of the name that you made?
And any emotions that you displayed
On view?
You went from minimum wage
Up to a gilded stage
From the ranks of the unemployed
To our own halo boy
And the challenge is gone
and the passions are spent
and what you wanted and what you got
are underneath the same tent
and you're wondering where the benefit of being you went
and your halo is bent
and your halo is bent
Halos are those pesky things
That you find around your neck
When they should be on your head
Halos with gossamer wings
But no angels will fly
If they don't know you're alive
Or if you're dead
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20. |
Portland
02:58
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Eleven hours and counting in the blowing snow
Fire and brimstone Christians on the radio
Coffee in styrofoam
Warm in my hand, like a postcard from home
Isolated alone and lost
Turn the ignition and scrape off the frost
But when I get to Portland
When I get to Portland
When I get to Portland
It'll be alright
I can see the bridges on the Willamette
Misty midnight streetlight on her silhouette
Pressing against the door
The sleeping blankets unrolled on the floor
Crackers and wine and cheese
And the only person who can put me at ease
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Adam Marsland Los Angeles, California
Adam Marsland's long career has included stints as a singer/songwriter, touring troubadour, producer, and multi- instrumentalist/sideman. He has made 11 albums as a solo artist and as leader of '90s power pop combo Cockeyed Ghost, and toured the country 22 times as a DIY performer. He has worked with artists as diverse as The Standells, 2008 Tony Award Winner Stew, and members of the Beach Boys. ... more
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