1. |
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Standing in Chicago when I got the call
Someone said they saw you smile
Then they saw you fall
Halfway through Ludlow before I felt it well
We were raised with transparent walls
That kept us from the world
Swung the bat to cause a crack
With religion, or with a girl
You were my responsibility
And that's the irony on which I dwell
And so I bummed out the Clientele
Two people headed west
As they are wont to do
With things to find and leave behind
Like me and you
No fear, no clue
Standing in Chicago
The midpoint of east and west
That's as far as either of us got
Maybe that's for the best
You thought you'd found your place
I guess we'll never know
We used to stare through telescopes
When we were kids
Were we the life on other planets?
I hope I get closer than you did:
Standing backward, walking forward
2,000 miles to go
Passing strange and walking slow
Two people headed west
Like siblings often do
With things to find and leave behind
Like me and you
This is their story
This is our story too
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2. |
Who
00:57
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a capella instrumental
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3. |
Burn Down The World
04:41
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Daylight came creeping
Through the window and onto my face
The taste of anticipation
For a moment I couldn't trace
But now I am 22 years old
Today is the day I will hit the road
Chasing down purple mountain vistas
And none shall dare resist us
Those last goodbyes, tearful and brief
Are now dotted lines vanishing underneath
This automobile that drove us to college
And once there we never dared acknowledge
But now I am young and scared and free
With mp3s and truckers on CBs
Cheerleading our way across the U.S.A.
This is my time, this is the day
That I will drive these lanes
Flung from coast to coast
To the angel streets
To Mulholland's ghost
I impatiently wait my turn
To Burn Down The World
Daylight swallowed the east
In our rear view mirror
But we never slacked our speed
Passing blackened barns
And shipwrecked farms
Wondering if their occupants ever felt the need to escape these amber waves of pain
Via plane or boat or train
And were they now sleeping off regrets
For the destinies they never met?
And I'll haunt these roads
Like a Cockeyed Ghost
Raise a truckstop glass
To our asphalt host
This is the moment that I have earned
To Burn Down The World
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4. |
Stranger On The Town
05:09
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5. |
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Hey! Who the hell are you?
I just came to drink
I don't want to think til ten til two
Spare me your favors
Do me no good turns
I'm not here to date
Though I appreciate your deep concern
Desperation blows through the front door
Ingratiation trolling for a cheap score
Respiration blows away the dance whores
In. Out. In. Out. 1. 2. 3. 4.
Everything's OK, everything's fine (3x)
But I don't wanna dance with you
A small circle of friends to hide the
Bigger ones beneath the eyes
God only knows how many Romeos
will try to penetrate the girl and her disguise
Five hours sleep, five days a week
Running to save face
Clawing at the ground
To the headache sound of a drum and bass
Desperation flows through the dance floor
Destination 'hos throwing soft core
Respiration blows and woofers roar to life
In. Out.1. 2. 3. 4.
Cash the check... a nervous wreck
With a dragging ass, shaking fast
I just got paid, you won’t get laid tonight
In. Out. In. Out. 1. 2. 3. 4.
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6. |
Learning The Ropes
05:25
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Here comes a bruise
It's big and it's black and blue
Where did it come from
I got it from you
What did I do
And what was I supposed to say
And why'd I have to say it, anyway?
I get so tired coming here every weekend
Trying to figure out this game
I feel like an idiot
And I can't remember anybody's name
'Cause I'm a new man in a new town
Trying to keep up with what's going down
Starting out with inflated hopes
Learning the Ropes
I fell back in my chair
Holding a drink and my dented pride
But nobody saw, nobody cared
And nobody cried
Now I feel like I'm back in high school
Underdeveloped and overwrought
Now I'm wading back in time to find
I'm resigned to my own prison of thought
I get so tired coming here every weekend
Waiting three hours for a look
Groping for some conversation
Wish I was reading a book
I walk in the room and everybody stares
And I know just what they're looking at
But move in a little closer, nobody cares
And you wonder what are you doing here
Wonder could I just disappear?
Wonder what are you, wonder what are you,
Wonder what are you doing here?
The kind of person I am
I ought to be somewhere else
I ought to be in a better place
Be inside myself
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7. |
December 24
04:11
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Button up -- weatherman gave warning
Hurry back I'll have lots to tell
Then nestle in, you can stay 'til morning
Find a warm place to dwell
Maybe I'll miss the ground
Once these heady winds have shifted
When I'm taking the long way down
To where I was from where I've drifted
Lock the door, light the tree
Celebrate our bravery
And the presents yet to open
Draw close, find a kiss
Something good may come from this
Not to kill a metaphor
But it's December 24
Coffee shop down the street from my house
You saw the same shapes that I did
Spilling sugar on the table laughing
Is this what God forbid?
Maybe we'll miss the ground
Once these heady winds have shifted
When we're taking the long way down
To where we'll fall from where we're lifted
A new place...it made sense
The compass reorients
A truer north that lay within me
Don't lie, don't deny
If you want to so do I
There are new poles to explore
'Cause it's December 24
I don't want to leave this room
The daylight penetrates too soon
Dulling the edges of this moment
There may be penalties to pay
After the veils fall away
At the cheerful bright of day
Leave the wrappers where they lay –
What will they say?
Just words, sticks and stones
Embrace to face what was unknown
with all the courage you can muster
Come snow, come sun
I guess there's someone for everyone
Not to kill a metaphor..it's December 24
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8. |
1 in 4
03:07
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My baby's got a problem with her dad
He loved her so hard that it made her go bad
When I'm loving her she shakes and moans
Then pulls away and screams "leave me alone."
When my baby and I are together in bed
I swear she sees my body on another man's head
I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure
My baby is a 1 in 4
My baby makes love with her eyes closed
She's tired all the time and she sleeps in her clothes
She says her love for me is so strong and deep
That one night she might kill me in my sleep
There's a four letter word when you say it out loud
It sounds like breaking glass or a ripping shroud
And no want wants to make that sound
But how can I drive away what she's swallowed down?
My baby's on a river in Egypt
She says that sex is pain, and who needs it
If I could have ten minutes with her old man
I swear I'd take him out with my bare hands
My baby won't talk about it
My baby won't think about it
She says I don't know a thing about it
She just checks out
She just checks out
What do I do? What do I do?
What do I do? What do I do?
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9. |
Go West
04:20
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Your dad said he'd always hoped you'd turn out for the good...knock on wood
And the years came and went spent longing for the day he'd say, "you turned out OK,
my beautiful darling girl."
So you walked miles and miles down dark and empty streets -
hungry, longing, desperate, incomplete
The weight of disapproval gnawing in your gut
Nowhere to go but onward to who knows what
But you can't escape the world that you were born in
There's a corner of your mind always be your prison
You've got to push that to one side
And let a good thing manifest
Honey….Go West.
Armies of lovers who provided you
no resting place in your longing to erase
You drew parades and accolades
But no solace did you find
From the flowers of desolation in your mind
And you'll drive miles and miles towards the setting sun
You'll pass through many deserts before your day is done
Let the compass that you follow swallow down for you the world
You left behind as daddy's disappointing little girl
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10. |
Talking About Myself
04:13
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Talking about myself again
He's been my favorite topic lately
He's the only one I know
Who can debate me and win
I've lost someone else again
I can't seem to stop it
If I could find a plea I'd cop it
And bow out gracefully
But it feels so good
When it seems someone is listening
To my brilliant opinions
And it's such a relief
To know that I'm existing
when I'm lecturing to my minions
Talking about myself again
Monopolized the conversation
Deny the art of self-deprecation at your own risk
A gathering of a few good friends
And I find myself doing a handstand
Occupying a grandstand
Of my own construction
Let me show you my house
Let me show you my etchings
Let me choose the places we go
Before my better self returns
I know that she'll be retching
At my unchecked ego
Why don't you hate me?
Why do you stay here day after day?
Why do you love me?
Why do you let me have my way?
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11. |
Like Other Men
02:02
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Do you love me
I hope not
I'll run away, you'll never find me
You don't love me
Of course not
Who could love me
I can't love anyone
I want you when I see you
I can have you?
Please don't tell me that
I wanna kiss you
And then forget it
And not regret it
'cause I'm not Like Other Men
I dream about you
I give it all up
Promise anything
To your picture
Promise anything?
I'm so embarrassed
How could I say that?
I can't love anyone!
I want you on the inside
Understand you and then ignore it
I wanna love you as a stand-in
And then abandon
'cause I'm not Like Other Men
If you trust me
I will be faithful
To myself, and my insecurities
You can trust me from the get-go
I say that even though I'm
not Like Other Men
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12. |
Cut And Run
04:18
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Cut cut and run
She had a figleaf clenched in her front teeth and I woke up stunned
I gotta find an excuse - one that's convincing and hasn't seen too much use
Round and round the platitudes we go
Trying not to bruise her ego
Trying to creatively restate a mood that equates with Cut and Run
Cut cut it away
The constant replay of the things that make me wanna pay with my own blood
I don't want you to hate me or be cast as the exiting stud
Still a casual chat after supper would be preferable
to these hundred mea culpas but
what is there left to explain when it's simply a plain case of cut and run
Cut cut and run
Cease and desist
when it goes from a fist to a gun
Still there's one more I could name
If we talk about truth then let's talk about sharing the blame
I see the annals of love and hope and sex
As a diagram in the shape of an "X"
We come together in the middle and have some fun
I see you you see me we see each other & it's cut and run
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13. |
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14. |
When I Lied To Everyone
04:21
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I was a guy with an eye
to everything that I could hold
I took pleasures and measures of which I never told
I played, and I strayed, even farther from the fold
Bolder and colder than thou
Then one day, I'd betrayed everything that I'd held dear
I got up to comb my hair and put my fist through the mirror
I pulled back from the edge and made a pledge to be sincere
God-fearing and clearing my brow
I made amends to my friends. Yeah, I prayed and cried
When I couldn't make it right I just apologized
I thought I did the noble thing, yeah, but to my surprise
Everything was easy when I lied to everyone
When I walled off the world from the things
I'd thought and done
There were smiles on every face,
there was laughing in the sun...when I lied to everyone
There was a girl, a sweet girl,
yeah she loved me hard and well
And if I'd asked her to she would have followed me to hell
Then I became a better man
and there were hard truths to tell
To be close as she thought we already were
She'd had cause to believe that we were soul mates kissing
No intent to deceive, only lies of omission
I begged her not to leave, she refused to listen
There was a boy, lovely boy,
that I used to call a friend
mom and dad threw him out
‘cause he loved other men
He fell to his knees outside and cried,
"but this is who I am," yet they never spoke again
Yeah, we all have our illusions
and we hold 'em real close
some people die from a reality overdose
And as the years roll by I bet the times you'll miss the most are when you lied to everyone
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15. |
Half Life
04:23
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There will be no camera to illuminate
the workings of your soul
Your evolution won't be televised,
nor they recognize your heroic, stoic goal.
For everything you've said or done
There is an audience of one
Who reads the book and tells the true
And be they good or bad reviews
Careless critics will confuse
Credit or blame where none is due
Because you will only be in the half light
And they will only see the half life.
Future generations will not look back and say they finally understand
There will be no heiroglyphics
with which to measure the specifics of your plans
However deeply you confess
There will be motives to second guess
Praise to withhold and to stay unsung
The more you feel, the more you care
The more the choices are unfair
Damned if you do or what have I done
Because you will only be in the half light
And they will only see the half life
Just as misery loves company
Compassion breeds despair
Radiating there in the half life
Those who await pats on the back
Are always first to be attacked
Where hacks and smackdowns rule the waves
Just do the right thing because it's right
And be happy you can sleep
In the room where there sheds no light
Beneath the shadow of the half life
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16. |
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You changed your status on your myspace
Said you were movin’ into his place
Gossip went flying up the wire
That your panty’s catching fire
You see a promise and a reason to be wed
You’re just two children, two children in a bed
You can fake it, take it as it comes to a head
You’re just two children in a bed
You thought he’d run home to his mama
So you flirted with his best friend to cause some drama
He fell for it hook, line and sinker
No one ever said he was a deep thinker
You see a promise and a reason to be wed
You’re just two children, two children in a bed
You always said: a good behind always comes out ahead..you’re just two children in a bed
I can’t look away
You’re like a trainwreck in a dress
And you move so cute
In your pursuit of unhappiness
Just like a dog, you got him so tamed
Your little ticket to the ballgame
Don’t you feel power, don’t you feel good
Huffin’ and puffin’ up his manhood
You stay so close because it’s “true love”
But you’ve both runnin’ from what you’re unaware of
So go ahead and take a shot while it’s hot, and tie the knot
I’ll tell you what: I think a four post sandbox is what you got
Anyone assembled got a reason why they shouldn’t wed, well
You’re just two children, two children in a bed
I’ll keep my little piece to hold instead
You’re just two children in a bed
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17. |
Fade Away
02:45
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You want so much,
doesn't your yearning exhaust you?
A desperate clutch,
no matter how much it costs you
I like you, you love me too
You've got what you want and I'll fade away
Blazing brown eyes
of a reckless and dangerous spirit
I don't recognize,
and these days you don't want to hear it
Wedding rings, and pretty things
You've got what you want and I'll fade away
Two at the bar
Nuts in a jar
Shopping for cars we're not buying
But where I'm alive, I don't drive
I am flying
Sundown lonely mountain
Sweet sad misty air
I'll never tell
The wellsprings inside have all dried up and you're in love with a shell
And well, things could be worse than we've got them: wedding rings are funny things
You've got what you want and I'll fade away
You've got what you want and I'll fade away
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18. |
Grateful For The Rain
04:02
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I learned the word goodbye today
It hovered in the air before I could tear away
At first you don’t secede
But I made my way unaccompanied
Living and walking through a dream
As far from space and time
As anyone can be
That’s all I knew of you
And I had no clue
It too might be true of me
Unbroken were my thoughts
Until the water split my face
Then I gathered in the darkness
And found a new place
And I have waited all my life
To feel the way I do tonight
Whatever else may come to light
I’m grateful for the rain
I was dead to the world then
I kissed a misty breeze and I was born again
Guilt walled us in
Now I don’t know where to go
But I know where to begin
Shadowy figures
Were the people I called friends
More present to me now
Then they ever were then
And I have waited all my life
To feel the way I do tonight
Whatever else may come to light
I’m grateful for the rain
Darker hours may come
But our day is done
Open up to the rain
And step into the sun
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19. |
This Is Hard
03:14
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You thought that everything would be OK
But this is your unlucky day
This is hard This is hard
You changed your life
like you changed your shirt
But now you recognize this really hurts
This is hard This is hard
You were so proud that you saw the light
But you won’t illuminate overnight
Tore down the walls and now it’s sad to say
You had it comin’ to you anyway
You used to wallow in disregard
That was easy but this is hard
You were unlisted now you dial direct
But it’s still the same disconnect
This is hard This is hard
All your troubles seemed so far from sight
Denial smiles and reality bites
This is hard This is hard
It’s really great that you got religion
Outstanding that you show contrition
Emancipated by your abolition
Now roll a joint, sit back and listen
You had it good ‘til you dropped your guard
That was easy but this is hard
Don’t get mad, don’t be uptight
But everything ain’t gonna be alright
No supermen walkin’ round in tights
You brought a flower to a gunfight
You wanted the secret to happiness
It’s a cold beer and a short dress
All men are the same that much is true
‘cos it sucks to be me and it sucks to be you
This ain’t about what you see or believe
This ain’t a movie with Keanu Reeves
You cut off your face to spite your nose
No where to hide ‘til you decompose
You were a beautiful dreamer but you wanted scars
That was easy but this is hard
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20. |
No Return
04:07
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I took a trip on the road less traveled
And saw it all unravel
Baby don't forget me
I saw a picture that I didn't want to see
And got invaded by a memory
Baby don't forget me
Deep into the darkness longing burns
No deposit, no return
So happy that you found your place
But don't let me be erased
Baby don't forget me
Associations that we both explored
Somewhere down in your core
Baby don't forget me
You always had a way of staying close enough to listen when I'd throw out all my secrets to the air as though you'd catch them one by one and comb my broken meanings, random thoughts and scattered feelings but no one else would get this I miss you God as my witness I would:
Cry out in the dark but could I learn
No deposit, no return
All these burdens to allay - too may boring thoughts to weigh - not enough words to array
You'll never hear this anyway but
There are times that you're close enough
Close enough in my mind to touch
Whisper to the wind that I know
I'll never again be the one you love
But don't forget me
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21. |
Despair
03:12
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Just when I thought I could lift my head
To the earth and the sky and my daily bread
I reached out for joy and I touched instead
Despair
Round and around in my mind I go
Through the figure-8 worst case scenario
Into the floe, behold and be-lo
Despair
Alone in the room at the back of the moon
Light years from humanity
Into the black, closing the gap
between denial and insanity is
Despair
I saw an island of hope and an anchor tossed
Into a river of faith I can't swim across
Now I'm rowing a stone home to gather moss
Despair
I took two steps backward into a truck
On a cloverleaf exiting to bad luck
And that's a roundabout way to say
I'm sucking out the air....Despair
Just when I thought I could shake a hand
Without shaking like a leaf
Hiding my head and down on a knee
To good God and good grief
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22. |
My Pain
04:15
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I want the whole world to suffer for my pain
You'll never know me enough to feel my pain
A heart pumping rancor, and cankered in disdain
You'll never love me enough to heal my pain
You move through the world without turning a hair
And aloof to the dirt at your heel
Mistress of your fate
Untroubled by conscience, thought or intention
And grinding us under your wheel
I will recriminate
No man is my brother, no islands concern me
But those that would laugh at and spit at
and spurn me
What's done is Donne – meditations won't turn me
So ask not for whom, 'cos the bell will toll for thee
I remember a playground with two empty swings
I remember the back of the hand
Kneel me down to pray
An indifferent eye to deny me compassion
and I know that you don't understand
I will make you pay
Millions will wonder what sired this black rain
I will open fire to mire you in my pain
I'll tear you asunder and plunder your aeroplane
Fly into a building to assuage my pain
Now we breathe in the ashes of countrymen lost
Raise our fists and we vow our revenge
From sea to shining sea
And when bombs go astray
to make martyrs of mothers
The cycle repeats once again
With one boy's misery
With my pain
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23. |
Trains
05:31
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I never had time for fate
Things happened for me
But they happened to late
So many plans were laid
But my execution was too long delayed
Here we stand, hand in hand
Terrified to lose the grip
On either side, we got trains to ride
Parallel lines of steel
That never meet, they just grab the wheel
Now I know everything fits
It'll all work out if I let it
Close your eyes and jump ship
I never believed it but now I get it
I had a long, long list
Of desire and ambitions that dissolved in my fist
With never a moment to waste to succumb to temptations so close I could taste them
And I was alone, longing for home
But I was confused
On either side, we got trains to ride
Parallel lines of steel
That never meet, they just grab the wheel
Now I know everything fits
It'll all work out if we let it
Close your eyes and jump ship
I never believed it but now I get it
And all the things you're scared to lose
Relationships you're loath to choose
Offers you could not refuse
Let them go
The lies you told to keep the peace
The fires you couldn't quench nor cease
The going west and facing east
Let them go
The ties that hold you to this earth
The death and work and school and birth
The points you proved, for all they're worth
Let them go
The goalposts moving down the road
The building 'til you explode
The debts you paid and those you owed
Let them go
Let them go.
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Adam Marsland Los Angeles, California
Adam Marsland's long career has included stints as a singer/songwriter, touring troubadour, producer, and multi- instrumentalist/sideman. He has made 11 albums as a solo artist and as leader of '90s power pop combo Cockeyed Ghost, and toured the country 22 times as a DIY performer. He has worked with artists as diverse as The Standells, 2008 Tony Award Winner Stew, and members of the Beach Boys. ... more
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